My friend Ayyub and I do the Capstone project together. Thankfully, meetings have been a great time to do everything else except capstone. One question we usually discuss is how much we desire doing the capstone spontaneously versus how much we have to force ourselves in the capstone. Does this distinction even matter? It seems that thinking of this distinction leads us to pretty interesting ponderings. Most people talk of “aura” these days. Some people have high aura, others have low aura. But if you are seen as someone who tries to have a high aura, you immediately have a low aura. One of the best ways to have a high aura is not to want to have aura. This property is of the following form: To have X is to not desire X. The property can be associated with the following general behavior: You want to possess something, but the moment you are too attuned to that thing, the thing slips aways: once you are too concerned with having aura, you have no aura.

This property is an interesting one, and is one of life’s contradictions we all feel. To be humble, you cannot attend much to being humble. If you are so concerned with being humble, you are not humble. Humility requires an air of non concern about yourself.

Nonchalance is another character that fits this property. Have you ever seen someone who goes around saying “I do not care what other people think of me”? I usually think, “Of course, you care”. By saying that you do not care what other people think of you, you are making a statement that curates your image about how you want to be seen, i.e., as someone who does not care what other people think of them.

This property is everywhere in our lives: we desire not to desire, we do not care about what other people think to care about what other people think. Perhaps, there is some human-ness in all of this. But does this have to say anything broader than some fancy puzzles we might geek on about? I think it relates to the role of intention and effort in our lives. Some actions by the feature of being intentional take away the magical power they have when lived without such intentionality. This is in contrast to how we usually view intentions. We mostly think intentions, and effort are a good thing, a virtue even. These examples show that perhaps these things are not. Perhaps it is not an effortful intention but lived indifference that helps you enjoy these virtues.

One might feel that kindness should not come out of the sense of obligation. Others think that love is similar in that way. Is that too simplistic of a picture? Perhaps. If your friend gets into an accident, and you have to take them to the hospital. Suppose you are about to submit an application to graduate school and your deadline is an hour away and you are not done with the essay. You take your friend to the hospital. There are two ways you could do it: a) you wanted to help your friend, and that was all you cared about so you rushed them to the hospital,or b) you felt obligated to take them to the hospital, because you are a friend, and friends are supposed to help you in such a situation.

Does the distinction even matter? Would the friend who has been taken to the hospital be sad when they realize that the friend took them to the hospital because of an obligation? Was the intention, the effort putting in itself undesirable? Does kindness lose some value because you are kind through effort? It seems it does. We might find an “obligated” friend less genuine than a “spontaneous” friend, even if the action is the same. We value not just the action, but the character behind the agent of the action.

One might say that this is extremely one dimensional, and simplistic.. Usually, when one helps others, it is through a mix of both a) spontaneity in what they want to do, and b) the obligation they might feel because of implicit expectations in any relationship. On the other hand, acting based on obligation might be encouraged. In Confucianism, one should hold an ethical obligation towards people because of the roles people hold. As a student, you have obligations towards your teacher. As a child, you have obligations towards your parents. For a Confucian, obligations are a good thing, and something that is appreciated. Intentions matter.

But we have to at least recognize that there is some beauty in acting based not on effort, but on pure drive for the act. Writers will agree to this more than others. You cannot force yourself to write; best writing comes out when your fingers start typing on their own, and all you do is run through your emotions. Then, effort might be placed somewhere else. You might put an effort in getting the coffee to get your emotions on a roller coaster for writing. You might put an effort in talking and reaching out to people to talk about what you want to write about. Effort and effortlessness then can go together, if they are properly placed. You can put an effort in keeping in touch with your friend, but when they need help, the relationship could be so good that you do not have to put in the effort anymore.

So, being humble, nonchalant and kind might require effort. Not in practicing them, but in cultivating them. Some virtues require cultivation and effort but their true expression must be effortless.

*Manoj Dhakal is a Columnist. Email them at feedback@thegazelle.org